A taste of the real Laos

The past couple of days have been rather 'intense'; we headed east to Phonsavan, home of the 'Plain of Jars' (as it says on the label, a bit like stonehenge but with jars...), happy to get off the tourist trail and hopefully see some of proper Laos. Maybe we saw just a little too much of it!

Day 1 - to Phonsavan
We arrived at the bus stop having bought our tickets an hour early to find that the bus was full and there were literally no seats for us. A bit of argument later the ticket operator had shoved 2 kids off our seats and plonked them with their parents. As more and more people showed up for the bus it became clear that there was no such thing as a full bus and somehow they had to all fit on. The solution..stools in the middle of the aisle (I think there were about 20-25 people sitting in the aisle by the end). We got some perspective and stopped moaning about the lack of air conditioning and the long bus ride. At least we had seats! The bus was 9 hours round hair pin beds and up and down mountains, with us gripping on for dear life! The scenery was absolutely beautiful but the road was pretty horrendous. We passed a couple of accidents along the way which made us fear for our lives (haha this was nothing, wait till later!) and hidden dangers lurked in villages along the way where the children would lie in wait with buckets, hoses and water guns, woe betide anyone who was stupid enough (or asleep as I was at one point) to leave their window open. We got soaked!


The next day was one of the most bizarre I have ever had. The trip we took with Sophie and Paulina (2 girls who also had to endure the horrendous bus ride to get here) was a day seeing the plain of jars, a plain of bomb craters, a village which used bomb shells in its everyday life and work, a trip to the local market and a trek to a waterfall. I think the best way to describe the day of near death experiences is to introduce you to 'At least...', a game Andrea and I have invented to play when everything is really really rough!

AT LEAST.....

1. We didn't get killed by any UXO (unexploded ordanances)

Phonsavan is in one of the provinces that was most heavily bombed by the US in a 'secret war' on Laos during the Vietnam war (trying to stop the spread of communism in Laos) so we hoped to understand some of the history here as well. Of the millions of bombs dropped on Laos (in secret by the USA, it only admitted it when the refugees started pouring into Thailand) it's estimated that 10-30 % didn't explode which means that it is one of the poorest regions in Laos. Farmers can't use the land for fear of bombs exploding and children think the bombs are toys when they find them. Our first stop on the trip was a field just covered in bomb craters, a chilling sight especially in such a peaceful spot. As we got out of the car our guide said 'be careful' (catchphrase of the day) as the field hadn't been cleared of UXOs. We thought he was joking, nope!

2. We didn't fall down/off the waterfall

We were told that the trip down to the waterfall was steep but the trip back up was less so but took longer. What our guide neglected to mention was the way up involved a scramble, climb and almost crawl up the side of the waterfall cascades over slippery rocks, trees and the inevitable mud! And as we thought we were safe he said to us 'be careful, there are leeches'! The waterfall however was probably the most beautiful we'd seen on our trip and well worth the scramble. Even better, there were only Lao tourists there and no westerners!

3. We didn't get struck by lightning

Our trip to the Plain of Jars had to be cut short by the onslaught of the most enormous thunderstorm. We saw all the Laotians running for the gate and one gestured to us at the sky. Our guide was extremely keen to take us into a cave and wait out the storm but we followed the crowd and just made it back to town before the storm broke. The jars were interesting (there are lots, very old (maybe back to 2000 BC) and no one really knows why they are there) but we were more concerned with not getting wet at that point!

4. We didn't get soaked/covered in flour

The Laos new year has started in earnest and we were bombarded on all sides by people at the sides of the road with buckets and mafia children with water pistols. We felt quite smug though driving past in our air conditioned van!

5. The bus was running

Phonsavan was a dump and we were determined to get the hell out of there and take the night bus to Vientiane. As we were finishing dinner the man from the guesthouse drove up with all our bags and tried to convince us that the bus was leaving without us. It should have been a taste of things to come...

6. Some of us had seats...?!

Yet again despite arriving 1 1/2 hours early there were no seats left on the bus. We were less than amused. About half an hour of arguments later (and serious stress) we managed to get 3 seats, the rest of the bus shooting daggers at us. Sophie nobly (or stupidly?!) traded her seat for a stool for $6, a decision I think she might have regretted! Yet again the stools came out and this time I think they crammed about 35 extra people on the bus. I was sat next to a rather smelly and unpleasant man which was bad enough, especially as we had a mini fight in the first 5 minutes about leg room. Speaking too soon though, as we were at the front and had more leg room they proceeded to put a stool in our leg space and...a man swaying from lao lao (the local brew), a new bottle in his hand and with a gun slung over his back proceeded to sit on this stool. What is it about me, guns and buses?!

7. We arrived in Vientiane alive

Is the only thing I can say about the 12 hour hell we went through on that bus trip. On my right I had the man with the gun and the smelly man, on my left in the aisle I had Penny puker on a stool who threw up (no joke) at least 10 times in the first 2 hours. The man dropped lao lao on my bag and kept trying to talk to me, then making comments with his friends about us. They played horrendous Lao and Thai music all night long and stopped at 2 in the morning for a toilet break in the rain (Andrea managed highly successfully to squat at the side of the road in the pitch black and the rain, very impressive!). The thunder storm came back in earnest with lightning seeming to be alarmingly close. Luckily our driver drove at a snails pace most of the way which we were extremely grateful for. 12 hours later we stumbled off the bus, I have never been so happy in my life! We nearly broke a tuk tuk (4 people + baggage = rather lopsided), staggered to a lovely guesthouse and are now attempting to recover (with the help of some lovely cafes) while avoiding the mafia lining the streets with buckets ready to soak any unsuspecting person walking along.

8. This is our last bus journey in Laos!

We are now patting ourselves on the back for the wise decision to fly from Vientiane to Cambodia. The thought of another bus journey makes me want to cry, let alone in Laos!